Lolita!

No one has ever made me feel so old or so creepy, and yet I allowed LOLITA into my life. I told myself (and her) that we could be friends, that she was new in town. She was lonely. And maybe I was simply flattered.

But she attached herself to me and made it clear she was going to be more than my friend. And let me tell you, youth are vigorous communicators! There's no "Leave a message and then someone calls you back and then you talk." It's more like incessant calling, emailing, IMing, with the finale being these consecutive text messages:

i called u why haven't you called me back?

what are u doing tonight?

are you ignoring me please don't :)

i like you why don't u like me :(

I finally told her to stop all of it. The friendship couldn't work with her insatiable need for attention. I was angry and she was sorry. She said she'd leave me alone.

A week later LOLITA came to my work with a Wizard Of Oz-themed cookie jar. So I kissed her.