Lolita

LOLITA is the young girl who walked into my office one day this summer alongside a coworker. We were introduced. I shook her hand and said hello, and she said in that sings-song tone of hers, "I can see your bathing suit under your dress."

The day after we met, she befriended me on the ol' Facebook, and sent me a message telling me she'd spent the previous night googling me, perusing photos.

When I'd run into her, she'd only say things like, "You're beautiful," or "I'm obsessed with you." She left a note in my office with a drawing of a mermaid, that said "I heart you." I never responded to any of these advances. I found myself stumbling on words, unable to look in her in the eye. LOLITA terrified me. She's the kind of girl who would burn your house down if you dumped her.

And so I gave her my phone number.